So I have never tried blogging before, so here goes nothing right? My life lately has been all about trying new things so why not try this. I have never been one to put my thoughts down on paper but who knows, mabye this will be my thing.
So in the last month and a half my life has gone under some pretty interesting changes.
In april I broke up with my bf of nearly four years. Some people have called me insane. Asking what was wrong with me in order to bring me to that conclusion. I have thought about it long and hard and I know why, and mabye its time to share.
In HS I didn't really have that many bfs. So when I met him it was like wow. And yes I loved him. But people grown and change and I don't think we grew together. I was unhappy, frustrated, tense and often downright miserable. I didn't know why, but I knew when I complained, he listened, but I never really felt like he understood.
I had my best friends, but when I needed someone other than them. because lets face it, even your best friend can drive you bat shit crazy sometimes, I talked to him. I got "why do you even like them" and "all they are is drama". But they were my friends, closer than sisters in so many ways, but I don't think he ever understood that.
Finally after one ridiculously brutal night, I decided I needed a break, but a break for him meant constantly calling me, and needing to see me. I felt as if i was being forever guilted into staying, as he claimed his life could not go on without me. He promised to stop drinking and driving. Which by the way is probably the thing I will hate the most about any human being. But I realized something very important over the pseudo break. I felt guilt because I didn't miss him, I was happy and I felt better than I had in months. And I realized I was in my reationship because it was safe, not because it was what I wanted.
So a week after declaring I needed a break, I decided a clean cut was best. And that is what I did. Instantly my friends were blamed for their negative views on relationships for persuading me. And that made me angry. My friends were probaby the best thing for me, and never once told me what I shoud think/feel/do. They were just there 24/7 whenever I needed them. And for that I will be forever greatful.
So now I am single, and I am happy. Thrilled actually. People who see me at work notice I am different. One commented in the words of Merideth Grey that I looked "Shiny" Well you know what I feel shiny. I feel fabulous, like life has restarted and I am right in the middle of it. I'm not shy anymore, I go out and meet people, try to be the life of the party and live everyday. I have gone out more in the last month than I probably have in the last 2 years consecutivly. And I feel I am a better person for what I have done.
And being where I am now and seeing the behaviour of my ex I am glad I did what I did. After watching you stumble across the parking lot and get in your truck to drive home drunk once again I realized I could never forgive you. Because not only do you not value your own life but the deaths of friends close to me meant nothing to you. Truth is I've grown up and you havn't. Highschool is over. Time to join the real world. I'm sorry I hurt you, but it was killing me. I just didnt know it. And I will never deny we were happy...very happy. once. Now I have to live my life.
So in the last month and a half my life has gone under some pretty interesting changes.
In april I broke up with my bf of nearly four years. Some people have called me insane. Asking what was wrong with me in order to bring me to that conclusion. I have thought about it long and hard and I know why, and mabye its time to share.
In HS I didn't really have that many bfs. So when I met him it was like wow. And yes I loved him. But people grown and change and I don't think we grew together. I was unhappy, frustrated, tense and often downright miserable. I didn't know why, but I knew when I complained, he listened, but I never really felt like he understood.
I had my best friends, but when I needed someone other than them. because lets face it, even your best friend can drive you bat shit crazy sometimes, I talked to him. I got "why do you even like them" and "all they are is drama". But they were my friends, closer than sisters in so many ways, but I don't think he ever understood that.
Finally after one ridiculously brutal night, I decided I needed a break, but a break for him meant constantly calling me, and needing to see me. I felt as if i was being forever guilted into staying, as he claimed his life could not go on without me. He promised to stop drinking and driving. Which by the way is probably the thing I will hate the most about any human being. But I realized something very important over the pseudo break. I felt guilt because I didn't miss him, I was happy and I felt better than I had in months. And I realized I was in my reationship because it was safe, not because it was what I wanted.
So a week after declaring I needed a break, I decided a clean cut was best. And that is what I did. Instantly my friends were blamed for their negative views on relationships for persuading me. And that made me angry. My friends were probaby the best thing for me, and never once told me what I shoud think/feel/do. They were just there 24/7 whenever I needed them. And for that I will be forever greatful.
So now I am single, and I am happy. Thrilled actually. People who see me at work notice I am different. One commented in the words of Merideth Grey that I looked "Shiny" Well you know what I feel shiny. I feel fabulous, like life has restarted and I am right in the middle of it. I'm not shy anymore, I go out and meet people, try to be the life of the party and live everyday. I have gone out more in the last month than I probably have in the last 2 years consecutivly. And I feel I am a better person for what I have done.
And being where I am now and seeing the behaviour of my ex I am glad I did what I did. After watching you stumble across the parking lot and get in your truck to drive home drunk once again I realized I could never forgive you. Because not only do you not value your own life but the deaths of friends close to me meant nothing to you. Truth is I've grown up and you havn't. Highschool is over. Time to join the real world. I'm sorry I hurt you, but it was killing me. I just didnt know it. And I will never deny we were happy...very happy. once. Now I have to live my life.
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